Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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