so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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