i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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