i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
