hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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