after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
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she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
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I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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