You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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