Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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