duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
