And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
