fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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