Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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