if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
