Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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