And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
