I can't breathe out the right side of my face
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
