So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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