I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
