Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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