It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
