Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
