one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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