puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
