dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
