shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
