I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
