What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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