We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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