your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
