Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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