It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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