SEEEEXXX PLEASE
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
