Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
