I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
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