don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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