I didn't shave. On purpose
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
