I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
