right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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