Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
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After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
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I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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