it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Girls should come with a carfax report
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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