I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
