new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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