im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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