You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
