sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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