forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize