i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
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this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
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Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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