I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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