3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
