i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Someone shattered a urinal.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
