I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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