Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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