I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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