Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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