The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
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Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
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I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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