Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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