his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
