I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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