I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So squirting runs in the family.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
They have beer where we have blood.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
