im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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